Your thoughts create your results
In my last blog, The brain doesn’t care how it’s making you feel we learned that:
- we can’t always change the facts that are "part of the deal" - but we can always change how we feel about them
- most of us choose to think negatively - especially if we've been used to think that way for a long time
- it's challenging to start thinking differently if your brain has filed and habituated your repeated negative thoughts into automised patterns.
- your brain LOVES to be efficient to save energy. It likes to feel the same way and do things the same way. Because it makes it feel safe.
- once the brain has become really good at thinking or doing something in the same way, it won’t let you easily change these patterns overnight.
- the brain doesn’t care how that makes you feel. It only cares about being efficient and keeping things the way they are. Regardless whether it causes negative emotion in you or not.
The most important takeaway from that blog is that in order to feel less anxious, start taking control and creating change in your life you need to start finding the thoughts (not the fact) that are causing the negative emotions in you.
So now that we know that negative thoughts create our negative emotions we can move on to see what happens next.
What happens when we feel negative emotion? Answer: mainly stuff we don't want to happen.
Let's start here.
Is this you?
You want to save money.
...But you keep spending it in shops after a stressful day in the office. You keep finding random parcels in the mail - that you ordered from online in the middle of the night to feel better. And forgot that you did.
You want to lose weight.
...But you find yourself glued to Netflix while eating yourself into oblivion. Maybe drink alcohol to "take the edge off" from your day in the office or to "survive" social situations. Maybe gorging chocolate and then hiding all the evidence, from your partner. Pushing all the empty chocolate boxes and wrappers deep inside the bin.
You want to quit smoking
...But the only way to control your stress and social anxiety IS with cigarettes.
You want to change your life.
But all you do is consume snippets of free information online and collect self-help books, without applying or taking any real-life action to create real change. You've probably done this for years now and still everything remains the same. You simply know more but no actual change happens.
If you have habits that you don't want it's because you are dealing with emotions that cause them.
Now remember, the advertising industry tells you to consume to be happy.
But you consume and yet remain unhappy.
Even after all the money and the effort that you've put in to make yourself feel better.
Why is that?
The more painful the emotion - that your thoughts are producing - the more unhealthier / expensive / addictive the habit you'll need to regularly sooth it.
Binging the world - and yet feeling sad, stressed, angry, lonely, bored and miserable.
As you've learned from my previous blogs your thoughts create your emotions.
This far we've been focusing on the thoughts.
But why should you ever care to pay attention to your emotions?
Emotions create all the results in your life.
What is a result?
Results are facts.
Something that YOU produce in your life.
You are always producing results. Regardless whether they are something you want or don't want.
Results aren't a story. They are always factual. Facts that everyone can agree on if shown in the court of law. Something that either happened or didn't.
Because results are facts it means that they are always neutral. Just like everything in the external world always is. It's your story about the facts that makes them either positive or negative.
Results can be something you're able to see, touch or measure:
- the money in the bank account
- the number on the scale
- the written pages of your book
- number of cigarettes smoked
- the eaten or not eaten piece of chocolate cake
- the grade on the exam paper
- the published or unpublished article
- the cleaned or not cleaned flat etc.
- All that YOU are in control of.
By tuning into your emotional life you are able to see and predict the kinds of results you are getting.
Isn't that a handy thing to know?
But not many of us knows this. It's easier to believe that unwanted things just "happen" to us, making us feel not in control, feeling overwhelmed, saddened and anxious. Not understanding why the difficult money, health and relationships situations keeps repeating or why it's hard to focus on studying, stop smoking, confront difficult people at work or exercise regularly.
- even if we would really, really WANT to.
Not understanding why unwanted things keeps happening to us - and by our own hand drives many nearly insane.
How many times have I heard "If I'm so intelligent / smart / capable / educated then why on earth I'm I doing still this to myself? I feel so ashamed and confused. - I'm probably incurable".
I hear this nearly every time I meet a new client. Not kidding.
The first thing to do is to NOT to focus on the end goal, the actual symptom, of what's wrong. Definitely not on willpower or positive thinking at this stage.
This is why I teach them to focus on their emotions.
You've already heard this but I just wanted to show you that how your mind works ALWAYS follows this formula:
1. Your thoughts create your feelings and emotions.
2. Your feelings and emotions create your actions.
3. And your actions create our results.
Which all boils down to this:
Your emotions fuels your actions.
I sometimes use this analogy to explain the part that emotions play in your life:
Your thoughts are like a gas station that you are the sole owner of and 100% responsible for how it's ran.
Your emotions are the fuel that comes out from the pumps.
The quality of the fuel is determined by the quality of the thoughts.
Your actions are like a vehicle that needs good quality fuel.
Your result is the destination where the vehicle is planned to go.
Now, if the pumps only gives out bad quality fuel it will break the vehicle.
The vehicle simply breaks and it's not driving anywhere, definitely not to the destination that was on the plan.
On the contrary producing good quality fuel it means that the vehicle can easily drive to the desired desired destination.
Without good quality fuel, NOTHING you want will happen.
Are you trying to fuel your car with low quality gas and then blaming the external world for a broken car? You are entitled to quality fuel. Because you have a destination to reach.
The best part of this equation is that you are in charge of the gas station, the quality of the fuel and the vehicle. Destination is just a result.
Your emotions are the key to your wellbeing.
Now, your emotions are important to focus on because they create ALL your results. Everyday. Whether you consider them positive or negative. Results are being produces regardless.
So think and pay attention to what kind of emotions created those results that you currently have in your life. Do it now. Think.
If you are not getting the results you want in your life, it’s because of how you feel.
If you are getting the results you want in your life is because of how you feel.
All your uncomfortable emotions are coming from thoughts that make you feel uncomfortable.
How you feel will determine how the rest of your day or the rest of your life is going to go. That's why talking about feelings isn’t just some soft, fluffy, silly thing that you'll think about "later" or when you have some spare time.
Learning how to feel better is not a luxury.
It's a responsibility.
Your wellbeing and life represents whats going on inside of you.
It's a constant feedback loop that never stops. You may try to fake it, but it will always show up somewhere else in your life.
Your emotions are the fuel that drives you either forward - or keeps you stuck where you are already.
Everything that you think, feel and do is what creates your life - not the external world.
If you are struggling with habits you don't want, ask yourself "what is the feeling / emotion that this unwanted behaviour is trying to cover?"
By doing this habit what is that you are trying to avoid feeling?
Sadness? Anger? Boredom? Overwhelm? Loneliness? Stress? Anxiety?
If your answer is anxiety my advice is to work on the anxiety - no on the habit itself.
Healing from anxiety will automatically erase the unwanted habit, because it's no longer needed to make you feel better.
You cannot run away from your emotions.
No amount of chocolate cake, compulsive shopping or procrastination is going to make the thoughts go away that creates the emotion that really hurts.
Trying to suppress your emotion with denial, food or avoidance is like a slippery wet soap; more you squeeze it faster it'll slip out of your control.
Followed by results that works as evidence, proving that you ARE out of control.
It's not true.
It's just what your mind is trying to tell you. Our minds are sometimes the worst liars we have.
This is the news I have for you:
You are always in control.
If you feel like you aren't able to overcome anxiety or stop an unwanted habit I will be able to help you.
Even if you feel like you only have low quality fuel available and that your vehicle hasn't been able to drive anywhere for a long time. Even if it just sits there, at the back of the gas station, with smashed windows and stolen wheels .
Everything we do or don't do is because how it's going to make us feel.
That's why therapist keeps asking their clients "and how does that make you feel?" to help their clients to start paying attention to how their emotions are creating their future. And they've been creating the life they have today.
And only THEN the work begins to change it all.
One step at the time.
Gas station management.
See you in my next blog!
Removing the big block standing between you and the results that you want in life might be just one call away.
If you are feeling like you aren't able to cut out a habit that is ruining your life and can't find a way out from a anxiety I'll highly recommend taking advantage of the free consultation that you can apply for here.
I will be happy to help you to tackle and break down the intricate thought patterns that are keeping you stuck in an anxious state. Reading free advice online, buying more self-help books and living in denial can only get you so far. When everything else fails, we are here for you.
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